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Here shall be the responses to the story "The Lost Raven"




i'll start off by saying that this intro, i think is some of your best work yet, Lord Stryker i cant wait to read some more mate.

Nice stuff, you cant beat a good exile tale!

Before I continue, does anyone have any objections to their characters being mentioned in the story. Obviously the White Ravens could have been anyone, but I was thinking of having Levitas in since the other story he's in is unsuitable for these boards (ask Enisferrae, he seemed to like it...)

If anyone has any objections to their characters being used, or would like their character to make a cameo, please drop me a message

I like the story

The only flaws i can see, is

1. abit of a superman complex forming, but i know you can avoid that, this is just the prologue after all.

2. What seems to be turning into a cliche with our chapter: The search for corax. (perhaps it's time to forward my company's fluff, lol)

Good job nonetheless.

Superman complex? How so?

I'm basing him on the Fallen Angel Cypher, the only difference is my character isn't going to be hunted for the rest of eternity.

Not sure if you see it, but one man on a journey into the Eye of Terror to find another one man.

Compared to say a battle barge, a thunderhawk is pretty small. It would take ages to traverse the warp.

Just be careful of making your character into an uber-god wtfpwning everyone. I've had that flaw and it's marred some of my past stories. I've seen it in others and it's marred theirs. I see it in the Ultras, which is why they are so hated.

You've got a good start, just tread carefully

I've been writing since I was 13 and have gone from the awful to the awesome scale of the literary spectrum and back again, so I have a good idea of what I'm doing. From what my friends have told me, my character is so flawed he's more likely to turn out as a villain than a hero

Also, travel through the Warp isn't like you see in Star Wars or Star Trek - the size of your engines doesn't matter, everything travels at the same speed/velocity since the Warp exists outside of "normal" space.

More dangerous in a smaller ship though, less space for the gribblies that hide in the Warp to rampage through...


Although thinking about it...surely by reading the books you've noticed that every writer gives his Marine characters superhero complexes?

It's just a warning, that's all. Take it however you will. I'm still waiting for the next chapter though

Uhm. Have you read some Black Library books? From what I've read, you need at least 3 Navigators to traverse the warp safely. Even then a short trip all 3 can blow their brains out. Also, Thunderhawk Gunships are meant to be deployed from larger ships. Therefore, the noble Thunderhawk does not have enough space for the Gellar Engine which generates that bubble of protection in the warp.

Most unsuitable warp traversing space craft for long periods of time, I think.

Now forgive me for referencing James Swallow's horrible Blood Angel books but even in that when the Blood Angels were sent on a campaign to search for the Primarch's Spear of Telesto, they sent a Battle Barge and a full Battle Company. And that was just for a spear. Not in the warp.

As Sy said, I think it would be better as a battle barge or a frigate, but not a lone Gunship. What about supplies? Crew? I really don't think sending one man with resources meant to last for 1 sortie is a good idea when given a mission as important as searching for the primarch.

That aside, great fluff. Has great atmosphere.

I was just trying to prove a point there, in fact the Thunderhawk is just Stryker's personal runabout. When he needs to travel greater distances he'll hitch a ride aboard another vessel.

I also just noticed:



...Are you implying in your story that you (or the character Stryker) are the Chapter Master of the Raven Guard?

I do say, sir. I tip my hat to you for proclaiming yourself Chapter Master of a First Founding Chapter, Legacy Holder of the Primach Corax.

i think that we're reading too deep into the whole chapter master thing. Stryker hasnt put up another section of the story, so we have no idea what this CM business is about in the story

Ok guys, first of all, the whole Stryker thing is just a name that he chose because he has renounced his real name for his actions. For all we know, he could really be Jaspercation, Enisferrae or even Evolved! Even maybe consider that this may not even be the year 999.M41...if it was, say...817.M38 then it would matter not who the Chapter Master is/was especially if he doesn't live to see the end of the book...

ooohhhh... evolved is really the Raven Guard chapter master!

im still sitting here, twittling my thumbs, waiting for the next installment of the story