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Post new topic This topic is locked, you cannot edit posts or make further replies.  [ 18 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2
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PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 9:26 pm 
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Location: Wiesbaden, Hessen Germany
Second piece of story up and i definitely like this one, its a great read! :D

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 10:36 pm 
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Location: An Englishman in Dallas TX
I really like your style of writing Stryker, you set the tone well. But I would listen to a few of the comments made here, as some ring true.

I'd give him a cruiser at least, the gellar field and navigators are needed

The superman complex is there, but not too much at first. Just keep a track on it.

I'm really not convinced about what he did. Raven Guard are well known to keep a level head, and I cant see a space marine of high rank doing something like that, even in the heat of battle. A world eater yes, a Raven Guard not so much.

So those are my 3 minor niggles, but do take them as constructive and to ensure a high quality continues.

I'm sensing that it is a tale about character, and that he will be tested or face crazy odds. Temptation, regret, lonliness, revelation, bravery etc. If so take another glance at Eisenhorn as its a fine example of realistic change in a central character.

Anyways, you've got talent so on with the show! :)

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 11:48 pm 
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All will be revealed in due time my friend. The story is going to have quite a few flashbacks in it and they'll explain what what happened happened.

And if you guys notice, at the end of the Chapter he's docking with a ship of at least frigate size which will transport him on his first leg of the journey. Despite being an outcast, he is still a space marine and as such has the ability to request transport from anyone while expecting to get it.

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